Dec. 12, Ecc 5

Guard your steps when you go to the house of God. Go near rather than to offer the sacrifice of fools...

Am I one of those fools? I prayed today and felt in some way to have had a conversation with God. he asked me, "Do you love me." I said yes. he then asked "Do you trust me?" I said no. And I hate that, but maybe thats being honest with myself on how i act toward God. I love him, but i only want one part of the relationship. the epiphany part. kinda like how Hollywood only depicts love/hate in a relationship, not respect/courage/loyalty, etc. But it hurts to say that i dont trust God. I want to, it's a head to heart thing. I guess I just expect that my relationship with him is 90 percent being disciplined, 10 percent receiving joy. Like the only way he opens my eyes is making me go through things i view as trials.

lol..and i just read the verse that said dont be hasty before uttering something to God. I guess I am one of those fools...

whoever loves money never has enough money... true
The sleep of a laborer is sweet. truer still
wealth hoarded to the harm of its owner: something to watch out for
He seldom reflects on the days of his life ... God keeps him occupied with gladness of heart. I have that, dont I? My wife, my son.

I pray for our shelter, that the issues with our house and the possible legal action are settled quickly and ammicably, that we are doing the right thing. I pray that from the bottom of my heart.
I pray to make my relationships more meaningful, starting today, not as some vow for the next year or the change of a calendar box.